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© 2019 Fakahatchee Gazette. 

  • Shelby Higgenbottom

Fork Dropped On Ground Declared 'Fine' By Lazy Man

Updated: Nov 21, 2019

While scientists are split on his verdict they do agree that this was not a decision based off science.





It was a meal like any other until- CRASH!


Jermey Gonhaw's fork clattered off of his round porcelain plate and bounced off the hard tile floor shattering the pleasant dining experience.

“I screamed.” Jermey's girlfriend told me. "I'd never seen anything so horrible happen in front of me before."

Jermey declared the fork, 'Fine.' and 'Really, it's okay.' Despite having to remove several small fibers that had attached themselves to his damp fork.


I spoke with physicist Dr. Haven Multisaw to ask if the fork was really fine. "If you're familiar with string theory you'll know that the fork is both fine and yet not fine depending on which universe is looking at it." I attempted to inquire further.


"Frankly I don't give much of a shit about the fork as I'm too busy trying to find the universe where I still have all my hair."






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