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© 2019 Fakahatchee Gazette. 

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Bus-ted: Mayor Vaminos' Reputation Crashes, Burns, Falls Down Well and Breaks Neck

BY Shelby Higgenbottom


When's the last time you saw a school bus, Fakahatchee? Sure, our kids are still making it too and from school but when is the last time you saw them do it by bus? 

Long term residents might remember when we got those busses just short of ten years ago. They might remember the wave of children selling overpriced and under flavored chocolate door-to-door to make it happen. Fakahatchee, looked on in happiness knowing their children were making it to school safely ensconced in bright yellow tubes without seat belts. But one man looked on with greed.

Mayor Luis Vaminos was elected with 62% of the vote just a short two years ago. In that time he has pursued a lunatic's policy that has been unable to be contained by the city council. Banning post-death entities (whether they exist or not) cancelling the annual Sadie Hawkins community dance, and moving the fourth of July fireworks display to inside of a rivals house nearly killing him in the process. 


His mayorship most recently culminated in hundreds of mommies burning down parts of the town while he hid in the safe room in the Mayor's house because of a policy he pushed forward.

However, while he pursued this policy of chaos the Mayor has been quietly selling off the town's assets in the background. While it's been difficult to track or prove some of these more egregious sales. Recently the Fakahatchee Gazette has been able to secure several sources who have been able to show undeniable proof that the Mayor has sold our school buses to the county's demolition derby where these buses have been turned into vessels of entertainment, crushed, broken and thoroughly wrecked. Make no mistake this is a prosecutable crime as real as manatee harassment, meth embezzlement, or drifter burning and this mayor must be recalled if not forced to stand trial for his crimes. Additionally, the mayor should make it clear where this money has gone.

"I miss the cheesewagons." said 8 year old Tasha Jones. "It's four miles to school and uphill both ways but I'm not planning on having children to constantly remind of that fact, so this is just a waste of my time."  One third grade teacher, Ms. Meyers told me several field trips had to be cancelled because of a lack of busses. 'If they come out of third grade dumb as bricks because there weren't no busses for them to go on a field trip, that's certainly not my fault." School sports teams have also faltered having to forfeit exactly have of their games without a way to get there.

"If they come out of third grade dumb as bricks because there weren't no busses for them to go on a field trip, that's certainly not my fault."


The mayor's office has pushed back against these and all allegations claiming the schools, "Never had any busses to begin with. They were just long cars painted yellow. Busses don't exist." When pressed further they said the mayor couldn't be recalled "because of what he knows."


Another mis-direction, another tall-tale, another bad decision from Vaminos. Will he stay? He MAY OR we could do a hell of a lot better.

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