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Meet the new energy drink capturing Fakahatchee's heart

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SCUDDDDD fever sweeps Fakahatchee

Fakahatchee loves to embrace the new. If it's fast, shiny or interesting our citizens will be on it. Sure some of our past obsession could be called fads or referred to as 'a real flash in the pan' but no one can say we're not constantly hunting for the next big shiny fast moving thing.


Some of those fads have not ended well and are better left in the past- examples better left forgotten  include Sombrero Week, the 'metal arm madness' that struck our highschool and the tv show 'Lost,'

One fad that looks to buck that trend, however, is SCUDDDDD. No. That's not a typo. The bold spelling and taste of Scuddddd is the brainchild of local man, Tucker St. Claire who's quickly produced 75 different flavors. 

"Everyone likes something," says St. Claire, "my goal as CFO, Chief Flavor Officer is to make sure there's a flavor of Scuddddd that appeals to that." It's a strategy that seems to be working as Scuddddd sales locally are equivalent to market share of the larger soda brands. "When I came into this I knew I'd have to edge out some of the other energy drinks in the market and the best way to do that was just to get my juice into people whether they thought they wanted it or not." 

Rival brands Cryptozoic Energy and Blue Buffalo refused to comment on their competitor while investigations are pending.

But what's next for the creator? Well, St. Claire says Hollywood has been calling with producers for popular show, 'Shark Tank' reaching out to check his availability. 

"I thought they wanted me to pitch Scuddddd so I told them to eat s*** because Scuddddd pitches it's self. But they were actually wondering if I wanted to come in and be a 'shark.' And I said, 'oh hell yes my dudes' and also, 'give Lori my digits.

"Now I'm just trying to come up with a nickname like 'Mr. Wonderful' but more dope."

Fakahatchee's Board of Health has weighed in on Scudddddd stating the product is completely safe. However, several flavors known to fans of the product are reported to incite hallucinogenic effects in the drinker ranging from banal to 'a terrifying dadaist nightmare.' Ricky Trombo is one of those fans- "Some people saw cool s*** but I just saw the heat death of the universe and the cold void that awaits on the other side. No bueno man. No bueno."


"Some people saw cool s*** but I just saw the heat death of the universe and the cold void that awaits on the other side."

One question remains in the back of this reporter's head- is Scuddddd here for the long haul or just a drinkable slap bracelet that's leaves you shaking when you want one. 

Ed. Note- Scuddddd is currently negotiating with the Fakahatchee Gazette on a marketing campaign that would allow you lick your screen and 'experience the refresh.'

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