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FAKAHATCHEE GAZETTE
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Feb 24, 20211 min read
Crumbler Farms Declares Bankruptcy
Crumbler Farms Bankrupt By Hank Crimbo ​ Family-run grocery store Crumbler Farms has recently found itself in a struggle to survive....
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Feb 24, 20212 min read
'Five O'clock here' Five O'Clock Always
A New Mayor's New Decree By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ The crowd cheered and faces lit up when Mikey DuSoleil was declared the new mayor of...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jan 13, 20212 min read
 Weird Weather Paints Town Red; Citizens Shocked As Sky Screams
Weird Weather Paints Town Red By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ Citizens of our town were shocked and stunned earlier this evening when just after...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jan 13, 20211 min read
Six Million Dollar Grant Issued By President to Answer Question: 'Is Hot Dog Just An Antifa Taco?'
By Hank Crimbo ​ President Trump still has plenty of time in office before the inauguration of president-elect Joe Biden and he seems to...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jan 13, 20211 min read
Baysbahn Body Confirmed Murder
By Hank Crimbo ​ A recent body of an unidentified individual found lying in a pool of red liquid has been ruled a murder according to...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Nov 9, 20201 min read
Screaming Into Void Unlikely to Help
NASA based scientists issued a startling report today based off recent experiments performed by American Astronauts conducted onboard the...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Nov 9, 20201 min read
Body Found Behind Baysbahn Property
According to a spokesman for the sheriff’s department a body was found behind Baysbahn Mercantile at five o’clock this morning. The body...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Nov 9, 20202 min read
Mastica Ennui Transmission Levels Hit New Low
Transmission Levels of Disease Plunge​ By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ It seems like we in Fakahatchee might be just a little bit safer for this...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Sep 6, 20201 min read
Digging Tools Seen Moving In To Shoney's​
Digging Tools Seen Moving In To Shoney's ​ By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ Eyewitnesses outside the cordoned off area outside the Shoney's...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Sep 6, 20202 min read
New Breed Of Bars A Ticking Time Bomb For Public Safety
New Breed of Bars Bring Boomers to Briden ​ By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ During the day most of them sit empty and lonely looking over a...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Aug 9, 20202 min read
CITY ERUPTS OVER MAYOR'S MURDER​
CITY ERUPTS OVER MAYOR MURDER ​ By Shelby Higgenbottom ​ Many are mourning the death of Mayor Luis Vaminos this week and yet many more...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jul 11, 20201 min read
MAYOR FOUND DEAD INSIDE KILLER WHALE
By Shelby Higgenbottom Early this morning around 2am, Sheriff Bud Nichols called popular radio show 'NightDrive.' His hope was to talk...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jul 11, 20202 min read
WHALE STINK SHOWS NO SIGN OF STOPPING
by Hank Crimbo ​ Thursday night the wind shifted. "I think that's when it got particularly nauseating," said Melinda Grub. "I found...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Jun 12, 20202 min read
SCUDDDDD fever sweeps Fakahatchee
Fakahatchee loves to embrace the new. If it's fast, shiny or interesting our citizens will be on it. Sure some of our past obsession...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
May 15, 20202 min read
Mayor Luis Vaminos is Missing
Nothing has perplexed the citizens of Fakahatchee more than the sudden and mysterious disappearance of our local mayor. Mayor Luis...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Apr 15, 20202 min read
Pilot Priest Who Sprayed Town With 'Holy Water' Arrested, Jailed.
BY Shelby Higgenbottom Last week, Fakahatchee stood mouths open in terror as an unfamiliar crop duster flew over main street and began...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Mar 14, 20202 min read
Mayor Has No Answers for Embezzled School Busses
When's the last time you saw a school bus, Fakahatchee? Sure, our kids are still making it to and from school but when is the last time...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Feb 29, 20201 min read
Breaking: Mysterious Plane Begins Spraying Even More Mysterious Liquid
The mysterious plane that's been circling overhead has begun spraying a weird substance. Citizens are urged to stay inside or wear the...
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Shelby Higgenbottom
Feb 10, 20202 min read
Crashing the PrimeTime Party with DemolitionDerby+: Review
You have a lot of options for entertainment these days, so when Demolition Derby Plus (www.DemolitionDerbyPlus.xyz) shows up to the party...
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