A New Mayor's New Decree
By Shelby Higgenbottom
The crowd cheered and faces lit up when Mikey DuSoleil was declared the new mayor of Fakahatchee. But some of the smiles are already starting to show the strain in the wake of the mayor's first official act. A drunken DuSoleil, still celebrating his win over a slew of other candidates, declared it 'always five o'clock here.' While it seemed like this was perhaps the jest of a man who had imbibed too much rum his follow-up call to the sheriff Bud Nichols to make sure it was enforced showed he was not joking.
“My first though was 'woah' we're gonna have a bunch of drunk people but then I realized it wasn't just about the booze. He literally only wants it to be five o'clock here. Not five-oh-one or five ten. Five on the dot.’ - Sheriff Nichols
A few citizens have expressed reservations, longing for the previous mayor but even more have popped the cork turning Main Street into a hell of a party. The 8th Street Dust Kings have already expressed drunken interest in trying to make the state's largest ever daquiri and have already started building a giant tiki float they say will float inside the daquiri.
Royston Bongdonor, a member of the Dust Kings- "We didn't think he (the mayor) was joking when he said it. So we immediately drew up plans and I think people are going to be amazed when they see it floating in the daquiri. And if we never actually mix that giant daquiri well... it's just a great big thing for us to get drunk on and that's fine too. We'll probably throw things at the T-ball walkers from it.”
Frank Tromboner, a local roofer in the middle of a large reroofing project that will never end, took a very different view of the mayor's decree expressing intense dissatisfaction with the hour.
"Five o'clock sucks. I don't like it. I don't want it. And I certainly didn't vote for this. I'm not alone in thinking this. Sure I'm alone on this roof but not alone in thinking something needs to be done."
UPDATED: We reached out to the Mayor's office for a comment on this story and received this response- "The mayor never jokes and should never be considered to be joking even if he's stated something he said is a joke. We all know he's the life of any party he attends and I think we can both agree the mayor is a serious man about being casual. The mayor will have more thoughts and opinions and we respectfully request that they be treated with the dignity, that both he and his post command.