MAYOR FOUND DEAD INSIDE KILLER WHALE
By Shelby Higgenbottom
Early this morning around 2am, Sheriff Bud Nichols called popular radio show 'NightDrive.' His hope was to talk about a particularly disgusting teen trend but what he revealed was potentially even more shocking.
According to the Sheriff, Mayor Luis Vaminos was discovered dead found inside one of the whales currently washed ashore and rotting at Abner Hoag Memorial Beach. While it was clear the sheriff was uncomfortable sharing many of these details, he continued to elaborate- stating the Mayor was identified by the coroner. Matching Mr. Vaminos dental records to some some loose teeth in a front shirt pocket. Additionally at some point before being found decomposing in a whale's stomach the mayor suffered three gunshot wounds to the head.
We reached out to the Sheriff's department for more details but they were not forthcoming releasing the following statement instead.
"You need to give us time to our job. We've got a dead mayor here.
There's not exactly a chapter in the Sheriff's handbook about how to handle something as volatile as this. And yes we're aware of the implications this might have on the recall election. If we can determine being swallowed by the whale didn't kill him we'll definitely want to reach out to some of the other people in that mayoral race."
Next of kin is expected to be notified if they weren't already listening to last night's show.