Mayor Luis Vaminos is Missing
Nothing has perplexed the citizens of Fakahatchee more than the sudden and mysterious disappearance of our local mayor.
Mayor Luis Vaminos, elected in 2017 and currently embroiled in a recall election, was reported missing late last Thursday by his, much younger, wife. Vaminos known for his corruption, cowardice and frequently flawed laws has disappeared without a trace. In the past, he’s taken heat for his stance on duck feeding, banning poltergeists and a short lived law requiring all menstruating females to wear leopard print clothing (which was overturned a month and a half later by the city council).
Sheriff Bud Nichols was slow to respond to the missing persons report initially, stating, “he’s probably just hiding somewhere with a pile of snacks or maybe we got lucky and he filled his pockets with that money he made from selling the school buses and fled the town entirely.“
"...maybe we got lucky and he filled his pockets with that money he made from selling the school buses and fled the town entirely.“
Many of the residents of the town agreed with the sheriff, expressing pleasure at hearing the news with a few hoping that the mayor would, "stay gone" and others crossing their fingers that, "the door hits him on the way out." Local gator farmer Duck Winters told me he hopes "...the mayor rots in a field somewhere and the worms get a nice meal." before offering me a coupon for this year's "Crock'n'Roll."
While the mayor was recalled earlier this month he retains a small contingent of fiercely loyal supporters focused on helping him win the upcoming recall election now just a few short weeks away. The manager of his campaign stated that, “His polling has him up three points over the other challengers. So the idea that he’s off hiding somewhere seems like absolute nonsense.”
"...the idea that he’s off hiding somewhere seems like absolute nonsense.”
Several days later, after a slow start, the sheriff and his deputies have begun a town wide search and have asked the public for any leads they may have, going so far as to set up a tip line for callers to share any details they may deem pertinent. The sheriff will also be going on local media programs to spread the word in hopes of getting something to break this case.
No reward is currently being offered, after worries were raised the mayor may try to turn up and claim any reward offered for himself.
Initial tips have suggested a mayor, perhaps, struggling with paranoia as he went about his daily life. Though the cause of that paranoia, if real, is more open to speculation than any real answers at this time.
Ed. Note- this reporter once dated Vaminos several years ago and was left to pay the check after he got up from dinner to hit on the waitress and subsequently leave with her. Intercourse was presumed.